Being still. That is something that I rarely do these days.
My schedule, on a typical week, includes the following:
I get up around 6:45am. I go to school from 8am-3:15pm. I go straight to work and I get off at 8pm. I usually eat dinner out or at home, and then Brian and I spend some time together until around 10:30pm.
Rinse and repeat.
I have deadlines for school, AND for work. At the moment, I am enrolled in the Cosmetology program, as well as two online classes (EMPL class and a COMP class). That’s three classes full of due dates, and my job has due dates for the end of the month. These deadlines. Rolling around in my head constantly.
As of lately, my mind is slam packed of things to get done/dates that are coming up/vacation dates/friendships/relationships, etc. And when I say slam packed, I am not using that term lightly. My body is so tense, my stress level feels like it’s out the ROOF, and when I get stressed, I get irritable. Taking it out on my poor family and boyfriend. That’s never good. Bless their hearts.
On Tuesday night at church, (sidenote: this is the first church service I’ve attended in three weeks. I’ve been out of town the last two weekends in a row, far away from home. It did my soul some good) Reid was speaking about “Simplifying Your Life.” I thought, “Man, this is the STORY of my problems, now God, show me how to do it accordingly.” Well.. Reid had a lot of great things to say, I took lots of notes. And would you believe, that was THAT.
I left that night, and haven’t given much thought of it all since. All the while, my head is spinning with all of these stressful things, and I haven’t ONCE tried to simplify my life! Instead, I’ve just worried and stressed even more.
Yesterday, a little thing sent me over the edge and I had a headache that had already made an appearance on Thursday, bleh. I took some meds hoping it would help. It didn’t. The things just kept whirling around in my head, making it worse, really. So, when we had some dinner plans later that night with some of our best friends, I sucked the headache up, and enjoyed myself. Afterwards, Brian and I got back into his truck and on the way home, I started telling him about how stressed I was. That was no surprise to him, he’s SO aware. (enter what I said up there ^ about me taking it out on him, aw) I had had enough. I was ready to quit my job, and withdraw from my two extra classes. Just keep my Cosmetology program rollin’. Was that the best plan I could think of at the moment to simplify my life? Yeah! Was that probably the most stupid of ideas I could have thought of? Yeah!
By this time, Brian and I had been in my driveway for a good thirty minutes or so. He said, “I know you have to work in to the morning, but what time were you planning on getting into bed?” I responded with what I always respond with. I told him that even though I had work in the morning, this WAS my weekend, and I was going to live like it was. I would just be tired for work in the morning. He said, “Okay, I’m going to take you somewhere that always helps me de-stressify me when I can’t handle things.” I was a little confused, but I said, “Okay!” We drove and drove down our road, until we were out in, what seemed like, the middle of nowhere. I jokingly asked if de-stressifying my life meant just taking me into the woods to kill me. He laughed, “No. Just wait, you’ll see.” I trusted him.
We got out past all of the houses, and he pulled over on the side of the road. He came around, opened my door, and took me in the middle of the road. (I feel like you should know that it was close to 10:30pm at this point, and on both sides of the road was a pasture.) He said, “Look up.” Of course I did, and goodness! The prettiest set of stars I’d probably ever seen. I was in awe. Over in the distance, there was some lightening.
He said, “Now, look up at that. HE made all of that. Do you think someone that made all of that, would give you something that HE couldn’t help you handle?” I was speechless.
We literally layed in the middle of Hall Rd, and just star gazed. It was so romantic, in the fact that the Lord was romancing me, and my man was all at the same time. My heart started out beating fast, being scared, stressed, all at the same time. My heart at the end of the night ending by being so full, feeling so blessed. All I needed was to be still. Brian seems to know me better than I know myself sometimes. The Lord knew exactly what I needed to calm me down, He used Brian to take me there, and He blessed me tremendously. I feel at peace, and I know if I try my absolute best to get everything done, that the Lord will help me out along the way, and all of those deadlines will be met. There is so much comfort and peace in that statement for my heart.
Now. Here’s where the even cooler part comes in.
I’ve been reading my Jesus Calling devo. a lot more frequently lately. June 6th and 7th days the Lord was getting me ready for that moment last night. I read them at work before I go home every day usually, and I was actually in the middle of stressing whenever I was finishing up reading the one for yesterday, the 7th. Contradicting, right? I took notes like I always do, and left it at that. I wasn’t still after I read it, and I wasn’t able to let the Lord show me what He needed to show me in that moment. After Brian drove me out to the empty street, I realized that the whole time, for the 6th and the 7th days, the Lord was trying to get my attention through my devotional. For June 6th, the verses were:
Luke 12:22-31 “Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life… Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? …… Seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.” **Do not worry? I can’t do it all on my own? What? Hmm..